BLUE MORPHO GUEST EXPERIENCES
A selection of past Blue Morpho guests sharing their experiences while participating in our ayahuasca and plant medicine retreats. We are, time and again, deeply honored to extend the opportunity to people from all around the world to not only experience the marvels and mystery of ayahuasca and plant medicine, but to undergo a transformational experience that it is profound, meaningful and life-changing. Serving over 5,000 satisfied participants since our inception in 2002, we continue to strive to be the safest and most professional ayahuasca retreat center in all of Peru.
Personal accounts from Blue Morpho guests sharing their experiences on our ayahuasca retreats, medicinal plant dietas and sanango dietas. More video experiences from past guests can be seen at Blue Morpho’s YouTube channel.
IN THEIR OWN WORDS
Before participating in my first Blue Morpho ayahuasca tour, I was a concept to myself. Not a false concept, but still only a concept. My understanding of myself had been built on years of trying to figure out who I was, what I was good at, what I had come to achieve. I had pretty much explored all tools available to me and had reached a relative level of balance and success. I had gathered a lot of information. Put myself through a lot of challenging experiences. And here I was, this interesting multi-dimensional concept, that felt dead inside.
During my week in Iquitos, I was given the gift of the experience of myself. I was offered the blessing of the experience of true love and the peace that comes with it. I received insight on the workings of my mind and how to put it at the service of my experience instead of the other way around. I have never felt so alive as I do today after this extraordinary experience. I am in motion again, moving onwards on the path of this incredible journey that is life. I feel immense gratitude towards Blue Morpho shamans and team for creating a safe and protected environment for this life-transforming experience. I have felt supported, loved and accepted every step of the way. The camp is set in a unique environment, conducive to a communion with nature and yourself; it is beautiful and intimate. The team is friendly, cheerful, discrete and customer-oriented. Food is delicious. Finally, I am blessed with many new friends who have reminded me how beautiful and vibrant our human connection is.
Before even meeting the team, or making the life changing acquaintance with ayahuasca, I could feel I was in a place that is made up of one thing and one thing only, and that is love. The entire Blue Morpho experience allows a person to feel completely comfortable, safe and at ease to begin a journey of healing and discovery. Every small detail of what I went through – of making the journey to Iquitos, of meeting the most amazing team on earth, of being guided through the ceremonies, of being given the wealth of insights just by being there and by awakening to the divine force within through the medicine – was filled with love and understanding. The camp and facilities are amazing. Everything is put in place so that visitors only have one thing to do and that is to relax and enjoy the healing of the beautiful, magical yet oh so real and sometimes challenging ayahuasca medicine. At Blue Morpho you discover your truth, and you can discover the universe of wisdom and the universe itself. It was incredibly hard for me to leave after a week of receiving and finding divine love. But the most amazing thing is that you get to take it all with you. Because the love and the medicine never leave.
Two years ago I visited Blue Morpho for the first time and came back twice since then in search of deeper internal shifts. The trip to Peru itself is the most magical experience one can think of: the peacefulness of the jungle, the safe feel of the camp, the beauty of the ceremonies, the kindness of Blue Morpho team – all have stayed with me. As did the medicine, that has guided me ever since and has helped me heal a lot of emotional and even physical issues. Not only I was able to let go of a lot of pain from the past relationships but also my health improved greatly: untreatable – according to my doctors – autoimmune condition just disappeared, and I was able to overcome drug and alcohol addictions. I look forward to returning to Blue Morpho and continuing my journey soon!
I would not entrust my soul journeys and my healing process to anyone else. Going for a BM retreat is a pilgrimage for me, a special secret on my path of becoming a better human being and contributing to this world my best. BM has been reviewed by so many media organizations and has such an incredible safety record. This and the recommendation of a friend was what drew me to it. The sharing, advice, guidance and communion that I receive there is what keeps me going back. What an incredible place with an incredible team. Love my journeys to the moon and back and can’t wait to go back there. The connection with the BM team is very personal and they know how to handle the journey of all of us in the group, to mediate the energies of a ceremony, to guide and assist everyone’s journey when it gets tough and when it’s elated. I cherish those days and conversations so much! Thank you, BM for all that you do and for the devotion everyone on the team has to making this a better, more healed world.
The overall experience at Blue Morpho was the safest and supportive environment to work with sacred plant medicine that I could have ever imagined! The staff upheld the highest level of integrity for our community, and the plant medicine was pure and prepared in the traditional manner with the sacredness, respect, and love. We received an abundance of information, instruction, support, and guidance, before, during, and after the retreat. The retreat location was pristine, clean, comfortable, and anything that was needed was available and provided for. The food was fresh, delicious, generously and beautifully prepared with respect to individual and dietary needs. The extra tours and yoga classes were a welcome addition to soothe the soul! Above and beyond the creature comforts, there was a sense that everything was infused with genuine kindness, caring, and compassion. The healing and transformation that took place was life-changing… We not only participated in the journey, we became the journey!
Coming to Blue Morpho and experiencing ayahuasca has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I experienced a deep transformation and awakening, which still continues for me, almost a year later. The Blue Morpho team is amazing. They truly are Masters of the Medicine World. You are in very safe hands at Blue Morpho. This is the place to go.
I came to Blue Morpho with a broken heart. My husband of 14 years and I had abruptly split up nine months prior. I was completely blindsided by it. I knew that I loved him like I knew the sky was blue; it was an absolute truth. I was devastated. In the months since, I had been in so much pain. I couldn’t feel anything else. I couldn’t process anything else, I couldn’t rest, I couldn’t sit still. I was expending time and energy on things that were not serving me, anything to distract myself from the howling hole in my heart. I had become angry, and my relationship with my ex had deteriorated to a point that we couldn’t even have a conversation anymore without it exploding into a fight.
My first ceremony felt like ripping my heart out all over again. I cried the entire time. It was like re-living our breakup. It was so gutwrenchingly painful; I could feel myself splitting open inside. But I also gained a lot of insight. I saw how hard I had been on him at various points in our marriage, how little sympathy and compassion I had given him at times when he was struggling. For the first time, I really allowed myself to see the role that I had played in our undoing and to feel accountability and remorse for that. I also realized that I don’t have to stop loving him. I think part of what had been stifling me was trying to stop those feelings. The ayahuasca showed me that I don’t have to. That I love him so so much and that’s what my heart wants to do. Even if our marriage didn’t work out, I can still continue to love this beautiful human being. Because I do.
I went into my second ceremony with a sense of dread because I didn’t want to feel all that hurt again. The shamanic team encouraged us to talk to the ayahuasca and to ask for what we need. I asked – no, begged – the ayahuasca to go easy on me that night. And it did. I still cried a bit, but not the whole time, and then the medicine actually felt very gentle and soothing, raining beautiful patterns on the backs of my eyelids and sending delicate crystalline currents through my body. I felt safely embraced and tenderly nurtured. The first night was like ripping open and the second night was like a gentle irrigation of the wound.
On the third night, I had a profoundly beautiful heart opening. The ayahuasca was strong and it felt good. I actually felt a little guilty, like I wasn’t doing any work, I was just enjoying the sensations. I was listening to maestro singing (he has this deep, resonant, wonderful voice) and he was moving these huge torrents of energy around the room and through all of us, SO powerful, and he was just dancing with it. I was filled with so much awe and reverence for the amount of knowledge and understanding and respect that he has for this medicine. It was so beautiful and amazing! As the ceremony intensified, I had the sensation of being energetically deconstructed – as though all of my pieces were held in suspended animation – and I felt this incredible movement of glorious energy wash through me. I felt the blockage in my heart move! That thing that had been stifling me like a cork MOVED! It was gone. I took the deepest breath I had taken in nine months. I could instantly feel my own energy flowing clean and unobstructed. It’s the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. I am so grateful. Even as I’m typing this, tears are welling up again, because I am so so so thankful to have my happiness back. This experience has been the most incredible gift. I am humbled, awestruck, and forever grateful.
There couldn’t possibly be a better place than Blue Morpho. The Blue Morpho team is extraordinary. I was thoroughly impressed with their professionalism, compassion, and support they provided throughout the journey. The staff worked tirelessly before, during, and after the ceremonies to make sure each guest was well cared for. The staff seem to have endless stores of energy to conduct the ceremonies and give individualized attention to each guest 24/7. I’m sure the plant spirits must be helping them, help us too!
The medicine is strong and the shamans guide you throughout your stay with advice and assistance on dosing to ensure guests get just the right amount for healing. More importantly, they have discussions nearly every day as a group and privately, if desired, to help process and integrate the experience.
I attended the 7 day retreat and expected a much more rustic accommodation. I was pleasantly surprised by the beautiful surroundings, the comfortable rooms, and the fantastic and healthy food. The surroundings are majestic and the tour options during the day were an added bonus. I highly suggest the stargazing, giant lily pad, and Mono Island tours. This is just another reason why this retreat is worth EVERY penny.
The inner peace and integration tools I gained through my experiences here have stayed with me and I am so grateful to the beautiful people at Blue Morpho. I completely trust the Blue Morpho team with my consciousness and I respect and appreciate their mission as an organization to help humanity heal. With gratitude <3
Have you ever asked yourself is there such a thing as rehab for life? The answer is yes! The wonderful people at Blue Morpho and the medicine has helped change my life forever. I call it rehab for life because for me that’s exactly what I needed.
For many years I suffered from childhood traumas, physical abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, low self esteem and especially depression. I saw countless therapists over my life with little success. I was at point where I no longer wanted to continue with life. One day i stumbled upon the Joe Rogan podcast. He had a guest on named Aubrey Marcus who spoke about plant medicines in the Amazon and how there are centers that are helping heal traumas, PTSD, mental illnesses, life issues with Ayahuasca. From that moment on is where my journey began. I researched Ayahuasca and searched countless healing centers in South America. Many had hundreds of reviews but I was unsure of where to go. Then I searched on YouTube for ayahuasca videos and that’s where I came across a video called Metamorphosis Ayahuasca Documentary. After watching that video I decided over 1 year ago to take a chance on healing my life.
I flew down to Peru to do my very first Ayahuasca ceremony with Blue Morpho. Maestros Don Alberto, Eliseo, Malcom, Lorreta, Matt, Alex, Terri, Maya and the entire Blue Morpho staff are just the most amazing people you will ever meet. If you ever wanted to take a break from life and be one with the Amazon jungle while being in a safe place with people that practice medicine then Blue Morpho is your place. The medicine has helped me deal with addiction and I have remained sober since. My relationships with my loved ones have improved dramatically. I’m able to be in the moment and communicate better. This medicine is not a cure all and it is not meant for everyone. It is a medicine that shows you the truth about yourself while helping you release the things in your life that no longer serve you. So if you are willing to do the work then by all means give yourself the opportunity to heal. Give yourself the opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Trust Blue Morpho and believe that this is the right path. I see a brighter future for myself and for you. I see that once again “Life Is Good!” Thank you Blue Morpho for making my life better. Much love for you!
If you are looking for the authentic experience in the safe environment, then you are on the right address Many people are asking me about my experience in Peru, but honestly it is impossible to put in words all about it, as much as you try to describe an out of body and out of mind experience. The journey is so individual and it is only yours, therefore try to have as less as possible expectations in order to be able to fully experience the medicine world and trust me, Mother Aya exactly knows what to do.
I have no enough words to describe my gratitude to all Blue Morpho team members, maestros, shamans and sober staff members who are there to help you in every single moment making sure everyone is comfortable and has what they need not only during the ceremony but at all times. Blue Morpho staff members are very special to me, as their commitment to the healing work resulted in an extraordinary shift of consciousness. The whole tone of the retreat was nothing but real support and care from absolutely everyone, which makes you feel safe and loved. I am looking forward to go to Peru again. I do not know when, but one thing I know for sure – it will be definitely with the Blue Morpho team again.
I had no expectations before going to the beautiful and sacred retreat deep in the Amazon. All I knew was that Papatua was calling me to him and brought me to Blue Morpho. From the moment I was accepted into my program, I felt taken care of and safe. This feeling was only further reinforced with the careful care and instructions Malcolm and all of the Blue Morpho family gave us from the moment we arrived to the moment they saw us on our way. The experience itself is unlike anything I could have imagined – deeper, harder, more painful, and more beautiful than anything I could have imagined. Throughout the entire process, there was support and guidance (whether to breathe, to cry, and – most importantly for me – to simply let go) to help navigate the process. Don Alberto and his son were all around us throughout each ceremony and they were careful to push our limits but not let us fall away. It has been about 7 months since I returned from the Amazon and I know I will return – but the lessons of loving unconditionally and letting go are still being unveiled to me. If you feel aya calling you, I cannot think of a safer and more beautiful environment and body of people to work with than that of Blue Morpho.
I have never felt so alive as I do today after this extraordinary experience. I am in motion again, moving onward on the path of this incredible journey that is life. I feel immense gratitude towards Blue Morpho shamans and team for creating a safe and protected environment for this life-transforming experience.
Maelys d R.
I can’t give this place enough hearts. Drinking ayahuasca for me was the most life transformative thing I’ve ever done. Hands down. Everything else prior, skydiving, martial arts, yoga, and meditation, was like playing in the kiddy pool. All those experiences were leading up to this. I’m eternally thankful for Blue Morpho, and I have no doubt I was guided there by spirits who wanted to ensure my safe and positive transformation.
And that is what Blue Morpho is really about, transformation. Sure there are other centers where you can drink and have a trip. Some of them even have traditional jungle shaman who may understand a bit of medicine. But Blue Morpho goes way beyond those centers, giving you the tools, guidance, and support to make the life transformation you need. Blue Morpho shamans understand the traditional practices, and then take it to another level, adding universal shamanism, and incorporating western understandings and even some creature comforts.
A jungle shaman’s psyche is completely different to a westerners. They have an entirely different world view. So this combination of western and jungle experience is tremendous, and insures that you not only have the best experience possible, but you get the transformation you need. This experience is forever going to change your life, and it doesn’t end after you leave the jungle. There online tools to aid your transition back into western culture.
I know Blue Morpho’s Shamans have done the hard work. They have earned their reputation as the best for good reason. I can’t endorse this place enough. Other centers are modeled after this one for good reason.
Trying not to have expectations I made the commitment to myself to completely surrender and let the spirits take me and give me the good scrubbing I desperately needed. Papa Tua did not disappoint and with 3 pretty BIG nights out of the 5 I released deep guilt and shame and the self destructive patterns that manifest from them, forgave many including myself, understood that I am worthy, and heard my late mother tell me that she did in fact love me. Nothing could have prepared me for this experience but I know deep within that it was, is and always will be a life-changing turning point setting me on a completely different path than I was on. Through the purging, laughter and tears the Blue Morpho team was there with me the entire time, holding my hand and my heart when it became heavy and encouraging me throughout. I literally trust them with my life and am looking forward to my upcoming return to explore, learn and grow.
My husband and I have been on 6 ayahuasca tours together with Blue Morpho – the most recent in July 2016 – and we highly recommend them!! Aya is such a strong plant medicine that you are truly putting your physical, mental, and spiritual safety in the hands of the people leading your ceremonies. That’s one reason why we always return to Blue Morpho – you are totally taken care of on every level. We also return because we love the people, the medicine space, and the absolutely life changing, expansive, empowering experience of connecting with our Higher Selves.
Ceremonies are an amazing mixture of traditional and western shamanism. They are always set up as a space of love. Two local shamans, Maestro Alberto and his son, partner with Western shamans and apprentices. There is also a staff of Western volunteers and Peruvian ceremony assistants who check in on you during ceremony, help you walk to the bathroom, get you a clean bucket if you’ve vomited. Ayahuasca can be quite scary, since you are giving up control completely, so knowing you have support in ceremony is wonderful. There are female staff, which is something I appreciate as a woman. They add a gentle feminine energy & perspective to the space. All of the staff and volunteers are open, loving, nonjudgmental people who are as dedicated to your transformation as they are to their own.
On the Monday of each tour, all of the participants make ayahuasca together – under the guidance of Don Alberto – pounding the ayahuasca vine and adding chacuna leaves. The team explains how these two plants work together, as well as several tree barks and roots that Don Alberto uses to bring additional healing properties to the brew.
Outside ceremony, you are free to spend as much time alone as you like. If you want to discuss your experience, the Western staff is always available. Another plus is that the other participants are a diverse group of people from all over the world. The participants and staff provide a lot of support during and after the tour, and have become very close friends.
Taking ayahuasca is a huge step toward connecting with who you truly are and getting rid of lots of crap that doesn’t serve you. It’s a beautiful thing – and particularly beautiful with Blue Morpho.
Blue Morpho does a perfect job at guiding people through the Ayahuasca experience whether it’s your fist time or you’ve done it many times. If asked how they could do a better job I honestly couldn’t think of a single thing I would ask them to improve.
My personal life experience consisted of physical, psychological and emotional abuse originating in childhood. I reacted to this by shutting down parts of my emotional system and putting up defensive walls of protection. As an adult this left me disconnected, very angry, scared, short tempered, impatient and caused a lot of problems in my life.
After participating in Blue Morpho ceremonies I was able to heal these traumas by releasing them with the help of Ayahuasca and other plant medicines. Once they were released I could see clearly how I had taken my negative life experiences and built a negative persona and mode of operation with the world.
This was the beginning of change for the better. Some of the things that have replaced the anger, frustration, fear, impatience are compassion, patience, understanding my behavior, feelings and emotions on a deeper level. Compassion for others who are suffering, especially when acting out negatively.
It can be hard work and at times confusing. The folks at Blue Morpho have carried me when I needed it, they provided an ear to listen when I needed and they offered advice and perspective when I asked for it. They do this not only while you are at the retreat but after you go home as well.
They are truly selfless people fiercely working on awakening themselves through service to others. They are beautiful and dedicated people I’m very grateful to call friends and fellow explorers of consciousness rooted in healing.
I love them all and Ayahuasca deeply. I would have never gotten to meet myself and live my true life without Blue Morpho and plant medicine.
Blue Morpho is an amazing place of healing. The ayahuasca prepared at Blue Morpho is uniquely potent. Maestro Don Alberto, Malcolm, and Christian created a powerful and safe ceremonial space in which deep healings occurred for me. This was the most amazing experience of my life. It was worth every penny. In fact, it’s priceless. I got everything I needed, wanted and so much more. The shamans wield their craft powerfully, and are also warm, caring, and wonderful people.
The staff is excellent and friendly. The facilities are very comfortable and well designed, and the landscaping is beautiful. I met so many talented and interesting people on my tour with whom I will keep in touch. I would never go anywhere else.
In amazement and gratitude,
Deeply profound transformative experience in a safe and heartwarming environment. Loved every piece of it!
Honestly, when you have a good ayahuasca experience, it’s hard to rate the facility, team, and medicine, with any less than tens all around. And I think that probably makes it hard for those of you shopping around to really gauge what tours to go on.
First of all, the facility was absolutely wonderful, and some of the things that others might think are knocks against the facility are actually net positives. There is no electricity, no wifi, and no cell connection. Sounds bad right? No. It’s great, you put your phone away, and your brain slows down and starts thinking on a different level. You connect with everyone who is there with you because it’s all undivided attention. You stop and really just stare at the majesty of nature, and really disconnect from any and everything that might be bugging you from back home.
The medicine was potent. And more than that, on your second day you get to participate in the process of mashing the bark and roots, you get to go for walks and see all of these plants in their natural habitat, you get a long explanation of each and every plant that will be included in the brew, and you really do not have to drink a lot at all to have a life-changing experience. I also have been looking around online and I can’t find any icaros more beautiful than the ones sung during ceremony.
The team was absolutely on point, extremely attentive and there is simply a lot of staff. The staff to guest ratio is probably close to 1:2 or 1:3. Those dedicated to assist with understanding the ayahuasca experience and deepening the understanding we can draw from within are absolutely masterful at their craft. And they make sure that there are always options for things to do, but they are perfectly willing to leave you alone if you need some time as well. Every meal is cooked for you, and plenty of guidance is given regarding possible methods to enrich what is an already exceedingly enriching experience.
The Surroundings. We’re in the middle of the Amazon jungle, on a couple hundred acre property with jungle trails, a lake, or river access if you are at their other facility. What more do I need to say? I can’t imagine doing ayahuasca anywhere else.
Information. The level of communication is top notch and the staff are extremely knowledgeable, not to mention the actual shamans have literal decades of experience. Even now after my ayahuasca tour is over, they are all still available for me to reach out to. They can be your tribe. They are my tribe.
Me and my wife traveled to Peru in mid January for the retreat, not knowing what to expect since this is the first time leaving the country. On arriving to the hotel in Iquitos, Peru we met a couple people that were going to Blue Morpho also. As we met more and more people we started getting very comfortable with this new experience. Upon meeting the staff it was like meeting old friends all over again. They were very friendly and comforting. The whole experience was mind blowing. The staff, shamans and helper were fantastic. Already planning our next trip down.
My name is Gilles, I am French, 46 years old, and I am an entrepreneur. Supposedly strong, independent, a kind of leader… Officially, I was.
At 44 years old, I was officially a happy person. Some success at work, surrounded by wonderful people. Now, behind the curtain, 3 nervous breakdowns in 15 years, a deep mistrust of other people, a deep hate of myself. Years of being a scapegoat as kid, bullied by others, and some other deep traumas (I had my share, like everyone) left many scars. And I was really close to the edge. I felt the end of the road was coming.
I had heard of ayahuasca, but never thought of doing it, because “it was stupid stuff for gullible people,” I thought then. Until I saw someone I knew very well do it, and I saw this person when she came back. She was the same, but not the same. She was happy for the first time of her life. At peace. I decided to try it. I had nothing to lose anymore.
Now, I am 46, I am still the same, but not the same. What was good in myself is still with me, it has grown. What was bad (cynicism, hate of myself, fear, hatred,…) has left me almost entirely. Still, it is a daily fight to stay this way, as integrating what I learnt from ayahuasca is a matter of practice and discipline.
Ayahuasca helped and helps me remove all the awful stuff that were in me. It was a tough fight, facing the worst in you is terribly challenging. Now, it remains the most incredible adventure I have ever lived in my life. Now, I feel that my life is new. I am a kind of newborn, in a way.
Ayahuasca has an incredible power, it is not to be taken lightly. Now, in order to live this cure completely, and to get the most out of it, you must do it with the right people. And I have to say that the shaman at Blue Morpho are just the most amazing people I have ever met. Skilled, but humble. Strong, but open. They bring the most intimate knowledge of ayahuasca, with the right skills of listening to and understanding what a guy like me wanted to share. Ayahuasca and these guys saved my guts, my mind, my soul, and I will forever thank them for this.
Gilles L.G., Paris, 2018
A great group of people and a first class experience. I was willing to pay a little extra for a safe and wonderful experience. I thoroughly enjoyed my time at Blue Morpho and I loved all of the guests and the people that worked there. I would go again.
Prior to going to Peru, I had done some reading about Ayahuasca. I was intrigued and excited about the prospects. I went to Peru with a significant amount of emotional baggage. I’m a very sensitive and emotional person and feel things very deeply. My experience was truly life changing. I went with the feeling that I have never been ENOUGH. I know now that I am enough and that if a situation does not fit me, it doesn’t necessarily mean it is my fault. The experience was frightening and very hard. I went to some dark places. At times I was terrified. Matt, Malcolm, Don Alberto and the wonderful angels in the room helped me through. Even though it was scary, I have no regrets. I was resistant at times to let go of some of “my stuff” as it had defined me for so long. Who would I be if no longer defined by my depression and sadness. 25 years of my life had been shaped and molded by unhappiness. I went through a day of mourning, I cried a lot. It’s hard to let go of something so familiar, while all the while realizing that the familiar is toxic. But let go I did…. I feel lighter now and realize that I can be happy. I know I deserve to be happy. Ayahuasca and the journey helped me to fully see that. I would recommend this for anyone who is seriously considering it. Do not enter lightly however as this is REAL medicine. Papa Tua knows… Love, light, and blessings, Scot
I felt the blockage in my heart move! … It was gone. I took the deepest breath I had taken in nine months. I could instantly feel my own energy flowing clean and unobstructed. It’s the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me… Even as I’m typing this, tears are welling up again, because I am so so so thankful to have my happiness back. This experience has been the most incredible gift. I am humbled, awestruck, and forever grateful.
After spending the summer at Blue Morpho the camp now has a place in our hearts. It has become a second home to us and we can’t wait to return. When we initially got in touch with Hamilton we were dreaming of an adventure into the jungle in pursuit of an apprenticeship in traditional healing. We were hoping to return home wiser in the world of spirits, with the ability to help some of our friends at home who were suffering from depression. These dreams and so many more were all realized through our stay at Blue Morpho.
Hamilton and Alberto are brilliant teachers and friends. They are both tremendous healers and are honest and patient. Trust is an unbelievably important thing when working with Ayahuasca and I would trust Hamilton and Alberto with my life. The love and support from everybody at the camp provides an environment where spiritual growth can be staggeringly fast.
The camp itself is surrounded by beautiful jungle containing lots of medicinal plants and trees – the perfect place to learn the medicine and develop relationships with the spirits of the doctor trees, Ayahuasca has taught me amazing things about life, love and healing and it truly is a gift to us human beings. I am deeply thankful to Hamilton, Alberto, Rosa, Pedro and family for running such a beautiful place. I would recommend Blue Morpho to anyone with an interest in medicine. We both look forward to continuing our apprenticeship and we hope to see you there!
We have been to Blue Morpho as a couple a few times over the last 3 years. The experience and results have been amazing. The team at Blue Morpho are totally committed to the well being of all guests and provide a non-judgmental space which allows for a safe exploration of yourself inside the medicine.
The ceremony house in the camp is large yet intimate with toilets and showers available on each side. Alongside the team they have helpers that don’t drink to provide assistance to and from the toilets and showers, pour water over your head if necessary, remove and replace vomit buckets and basically act like angels. You feel constantly, safe and protected, even when at your most vulnerable state you feel totally secure. The staff are available throughout the day to talk with, and to really talk with. They will give you as much time as you need to discuss anything you are working on. No stress, no pressure, just out of pure love for what they do. Medicine.
Before coming to Blue Morpho, I was continuously searching for answers to questions I couldn’t even put into words—a particularly frustrating situation for an aspiring writer. Maybe you can relate, maybe not. But, if you’re reading this, chances are you’re searching for something. The only way to leave Blue Morpho without finding answers, without being a changed person, is if you do not really want those things.
My first trip was in January. After hearing about ayahuasca during a random conversation, I spent the next month glued to my computer. I wanted to know everything about it. The more I researched, the more determined I was to participate in a ceremony as soon as possible. I stumbled upon Blue Morpho’s website and immediately thought it was the right place for me to go. Of course, I had doubts: I had never traveled outside of the United States, much less done it alone; the expenditure was a bit of a stretch for my budget at the time; and the only information I had about ayahuasca and Blue Morpho was from the Internet. Many emails back and forth with Jeremy (who I had the great pleasure of meeting during my second trip) convinced me it was okay to trust my gut instinct and make the reservation.
Hamilton met me at the airport in Iquitos. Needless to say, he wasn’t what I expected. He was better! The depths of his sincerity, patience, shamanic skill and immense wisdom continued to unfold throughout the trip. The staff was fantastic, exceptionally accommodating, caring and good-hearted. Both times I went to Blue Morpho—my second trip was the shamanic diet in May—the food and facilities were great. The other people in my group turned out to be great as well. We bonded in a wonderful way, and I am still in contact with them. Everyone from the first trip has either made or planned additional trips to Blue Morpho. (It goes without saying being in the Amazon is amazing.)
Now, for the meat and potatoes: the ayahuasca ceremonies. This is the part where it gets a little tricky, the part that’s kept me from writing a much-deserved testimonial sooner. As you’ll hopefully discover for yourself, ceremonies are intensely personal and almost impossible to describe to anyone who hasn’t experienced them first-hand. I brought tons of baggage from a typically dysfunctional family and my fair share of traumatic experiences to Blue Morpho. In every day life, I had been functioning remarkably well. It could even be argued that I was excelling in some areas (key word: some). I thought ayahuasca would help me find direction and purpose in my career path. What I discovered was the driving force behind those “questions I couldn’t even put into words.” I realized I needed healing. Working with Hamilton and Don Alberto’s expertise, I was given the “blueprint” and “building blocks” for this to occur. The experience and subsequent journey has been more profound than anything I could have dreamed of.
Hamilton told me the effects of ayahuasca continue to develop for six months to a year after the ceremonies. More importantly, I’ve found the benefits are lasting and exponential as time passes. The lessons I learned during my first trip to Blue Morpho are relevant to my life today in surprising, meaningful ways. The awesome intelligence and power of ayahuasca can perform miracles if you allow it to. It is capable of healing/helping/strengthening every aspect of your life, whether you’re seeking physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual answers.
I cannot help but be humbled by and grateful for ayahuasca’s presence in my life. It unlocked then kicked open the door blocking me from experiencing joy, freedom and success. For a close friend who followed my footsteps to Blue Morpho, ayahuasca kicked down the door then disintegrated every wall standing between him and true happiness. It can do this for you too. You get whatever you want out of the experience, whatever you’re ready for. Therefore, it helps immensely to know what your intentions are, and to trust the integrity and ability of the people you’re working with. Rest assured you are safe with Hamilton and Blue Morpho. A trip to Blue Morpho is truly the opportunity of a lifetime where the sky’s the limit!
I participated Feb 2016 for my first Ayahuasca tour at Blue Morpho. What brought me to Blue Morpho was a film called “Metamorphosis- Ayahuasca Documentary” (Youtube). I watched this originally 5 years prior my trip to Peru. I kept coming back to this documentary and finally I made decision to go for it! There was no choice to make between organizers— it was Blue Morpho. I was very surprised to see so many familiar faces from the film welcoming me in Peru.
Ceremonies were amazing. I could not handle all that by myself and I needed personal support to go through second night. Overwhelming support was there when I needed it most! Healing that happened caught me by surprise. At the end of our tour other participants kept telling me that you really have changed. It took me while to really believe them!
After the first night we participated brewing a batch of Ayahuasca. I really loved to get hands on experience with making the Medicine.
After BM ceremonies I participated few other ceremonies in Europe. Only after those ceremonies I could really appreciate the level of expertise and dedication that BM Shamans and Staff has for their work. Quality of the Medicine and the expertise of keeping the ceremony is really on another level than I have experienced elsewhere.
I’m really looking forward my second tour with BM!
See you soon BM!
Team: I rate a 120 score for the team – all of them are a very professional, pure-hearted, and lovely people. I received support far beyond from what I expected, they constantly listened to me and they paid attention to everything I needed. They surprised me over and over again.
Medicine: in my experience, it was a very hard and long process with a lot of crying and screaming, to be honest… I felt that I made my transition in the first night’s ceremony and all the rest was just a bonus for me. In addition to Ayahuasaca, I felt that I cleaned all the major part of my emotional pain, fear and blocks in my life.
Surrounding: just perfect. In my retreat all of the participants were very good, quality people. For me it felt like “heaven.”
Facilities: everything was far beyond my expectations.
Information: from the first correspondence with Blue Morpho until after the retreat ended, I received full guidance, and they helped me with every kind of questions that I asked them. I have nothing but deep love, admiration and gratitude to Blue Morpho.
It’s not just – drink this. This is the real deal, plus a few creature comforts (food!), and most importantly an epic team that will take care of you through your transformation, not only in the jungle, but once you return from the jungle and continue your transformation at home as well. I can’t give this place enough stars. Infinite Stars! This is the best place on Earth!
I have attended 4 different retreats with Blue Morpho, the most recent of which occurred in November of 2016, and I am already signed up for 2 more visits for 2017. Everything has always been top notch on all points. I have zero reservations in recommending Blue Morpho to my friends or family.
The team is great and offers as much or as little hand-holding or discussion that you want. Everyone from the ceremonial staff to the people behind the scenes that make everything run smoothly are very nice and super professional. It is the reason I have been down as many times as I have and the reason why I plan to be down many many more times. Keep in mind it is the jungle but the surroundings and facilities are beautiful. The rules and what is available onsite is very clear, fair, and consistent.
The information offered before the journey, during the week, and then afterwards in terms of integration was not lacking. I’ve found that I get out of the conversations/discussions/talks whatever I put into it and over time have encouraged myself to participate more and more. As I have pushed myself the staff has been present and skillfully aware at helping me navigate my own journey. I would recommend this organization to anyone without reservation.
Anyway I thought I should let you all know that at Blue Morpho I had a healing…for about a year I’ve had this weird discoloration on my stomach, and it always reminded me of a pre cancer mark, so I was juicing and trying to be extra healthy to get rid of it. (Since I don’t do doctors, I have no way of knowing for sure what it was). Anyway, when I’d do a lot of juicing it would get lighter, and when I would kind of binge snk snk snk, it would get darker. I was disappointed that I wasn’t making much head way with it.
When I got back from Iquitos, I had this inner voice tell me to take a look, that it would be gone. I have no idea how this could have happened, or why even that an inner voice told me to do that. So I went to the mirror and was shocked to see not a trace. I was so incredulous that I almost put a mark there just by trying to examine the area where the mark had been. So TA DAH!! I’ve been SAVED!!! LOL Wheeeeeeeeee!
Blue Morpho has created a beautiful, sacred space, safe from the outside world, in the heart of the incredible jungle. I loved my time there, and will always cherish my memories of the place. Everything was planned out nicely and executed with an attention to detail and a loving touch. I learned a great deal at Blue Morpho and am now awakened to the possibilities of the spirit world. I will return someday!
A friend introduced me to Ayahuasca and Blue Morpho. I did not know a thing about Aya at that time, but it strongly resonated and felt the right thing and the right timing for me. 3 months after the first talks I was in the jungle (December 2016).
Yes, the experience is a life changer, and believe me, it is not the vocabulary a French person usually uses (yes I am French).
Yes, the staff is amazing, all of them. So much love and dedication, so rare nowadays. 24/24, 7/7 you can talk to them and they will genuinely take the time to go through your questions or doubts or fears or joys.
Yes, you feel extremely safe, free to focus on your journey. You probably have read horror stories on the web, none of this can possibly happen at Blue Morpho. They are there for you, watching your back.
Yes, you feel at home, because you are safe, but also because Blue Morpho shamans are tuned into western world and approach the experience in a way you can handle it.
Yes the food is great! Uttermost importance for a French. It is such a relief after a rough night to get some treats and reward your body and mind.
Yes the medicine stays with you and works with you way after you have left Peru. I am still being woken up at night by flows of energy working in my body. The Integration pack created by Blue Morpho helps me to go on with that work.
Yes, I would gladly come back and without any hesitation I recommend Blue Morpho.
I’ve been to Blue Morpho for six different plant medicine journeys:
– 4 ayahuasca
– 1 San Pedro (huachuma)
I will continue to go back as the medicine calls me. The reason is that you can not find a more experienced staff and retreat program than Blue Morpho.
They take great care in evaluating each guest who applies to attend a journey. And then take great care to empower each guest with information about arriving to Iquitos or Cusco prior to their arrival.
Going to a third world country, and into a city that is surrounded by the jungle and is chaotic with the number of people that live there, can be intimidating. But the Blue Morpho team make sure new guests are prepared for what to expect.
You will see many return guests at Blue Morpho. There is a reason for that. The team, the accommodations, the education about the medicine, the medicine experience in ceremony… They all create a wonderful experience that provides growth in an individual.
I’ve personally brought three people with me over the years that were ready to experience the medicine. I hope to do it again in the future. And I will definitely be back myself. I hope to see you “in the space” too!
I’ve been back from my trip for a while, and still awestruck by the experience. I’m at a loss for words at how to express my gratitude, other than to say Thank You all.
For me it was very important to feel safe. I had never tried psychedelics before and did 6 months of research before I decided on the pace to go. When I arrived I knew I had found the right place. It was professional, warm and caring. All the people working at Blue Morpho were offering great service and I learned a lot about the medicine through them. The shamans even had humour, I felt safe and it was truly the best experience in my life. I went for a new trip later and there was no doubt that I would chose Blue Morpho again! I trust them with my life!
When I originally came to Blue Morpho, my body was riddled with a runaway mycoplasma (bacterial) infection. By 2006, my body was going into system failure—my eyesight had seriously degraded, I had multiple brain lesions, necrotic skin tissue, and a persistent fever of 101 degrees F. Just before I came to camp, because of rapid weight loss and a worsening of my condition , I was advised to go off the antibiotics, as my body could no longer tolerate them. Allopathic medicine could help me no longer and my prognosis was grim.
As an example of my remarkable healing (thanks to the Blue Morpho shamans) I’ll use the following as one example: although antibiotics knocked back the raging infection, it had been in my body long enough to cause an inflammatory cascade and a multi-system autoimmune disorder. One cascade involved my vision. I was diagnosed with a rare corneal eye disease and had developed persistent double vision. Gradually, across my 3 visits to the camp, things steadily improved. After a two year steady healing process, I no longer see double. And then, finally, a year ago, I returned to an ophthalmologist for an exam. I no longer have any trace of the eye disease. But, what really floored me was that I no longer even have astigmatism—which I’ve had for 30 years!
After my first visit to camp, I had a sense of wonder for what this medicine was teaching me but I didn’t really have the expectation that it could physically heal these impossible conditions. But in my gratitude and engaged presence with this medicine, all things were and are possible.
I disappeared into the jungle with no expectation whatsoever, no hope, other than everything else had failed me and I would try this, even though i believed that it would likely fail me as well. Working with this medicine takes indomitable courage, but it was worth it. I have trusted the shamans of Blue Morpho with my life and they were there for me, all the way. I am forever grateful.
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. My husband returned from Blue Morpho a changed man. Our life has become the Heaven on Earth I first saw as a possibility in your camp in May. Every day is a blessing filled with light, love, and a lasting peace. The girls have a father they can count on and I have a partner that I am proud of. What has happened is a miracle. It is just simply amazing.
The decision to go to Blue Morpho is a wise one. One of the travelers from the first time we went we did go to another camp in the area, which caused him to rave even more about Blue Morpho. This is the ONLY camp I will go to for the ceremonies. It is a powerful medicine, in a place of love and peace, lead by an amazing Shaman in Hamilton and Don Alberto, in a ceremony house where you can feel the light of God, and where healing takes place!
AND, the food was GREAT!!! If it is your first time, I’d no do the plant diet unless you have done serious consideration.
I have been to Blue Morpho twice, and completed 10 ceremonies! At Blue Morpho, I felt completely entrusted to Hamilton and the gang. During the ceremonies, it is a completely safe and cared for environment. The assistants and the apprentices keep a watchful eye over everyone, and you will get to know your fellow travelers as part of the family.
I have found the ceremonies incredibly useful both while there, and since my return. Most of my ceremonies tended to go all night, and I was at the ideal spot for that. The facility is beautiful, and they have everything I needed during my stay. I tended to get a bit antsy, I traveled to local towns on Thursday and Sunday (the two nights you did not have ceremonies). Nauta is worth the day trip, and to go back into Iquitos was wonderful! I am a pizza junkie, and there is not much cheese in camp (that is a good thing!), so getting out for a cheese pizza was heavenly! But again, the food at the camp is nutritious, tasty, and perfect for the experience you will be going through.
I would highly recommend not eating pork, or consuming alcohol for two weeks prior to going. This will begin the cleansing process and GREATLY ENHANCE your experience. They do not stress that enough to the people first coming. The energy of these foods is detrimental to the process you are embarking on, and you will do deeper work if you begin to purge these things out of your system! This is just my recommendation, but you will be open to deeper work if you follow these simple requests.
Clothes, great question. For ceremony I always wore bathing trunks and a t-shirt. Comfortable, loose fitting, casual. Just easy! Travel light, and stray away from cotton products. Especially jeans (maybe just bring one pair). It is sooooooo humid down there, they will absorb the moisture. Bring a pair of sandals, invaluable!!! Shorts and t-shirts are what you wear the most of. The buildings are constructed to keep the bugs out, so be comfortable. I have a set of shirts that are all man made with insect repellent, great for when you go on a hike.
As far as the changes, I am seeped in transformational work, so the changes I experienced in Blue Morpho are deep, long lasting and very positive. Prepare your mental attitude prior to, and while you are at camp. What do you want to get? What do you want to lose? What ways of being do not work for your life? Shift them through ceremony. Talk to Hamilton about your intention. He is a wise spirit, and a very down to earth dude! It is a powerful mesa to be associated with (he will explain!). This is your opportunity to create real shift in your being, and it is a magical place to do that! My intention is to travel down once per year to grow and develop.
And in Iquitos, get a lot of the handmade crafts. They are cheap, people here love them, and it is good energy to support the locals. Barter for everything! I love a good barter, and so do they. They are the friendliest people who are so very honest! Great folks!
Oh, a good headlamp is essential! Get a model which is moisture resistant. Get a great model. There is no electricity at camp, and it gets dark at night!
Everyone at Blue Morpho Tours was patient, loving, and kind, offering assistance at every opportunity. They provide a very safe, supportive environment for discovering shamanism (this is particularly important when a person’s fears and issues come to the forefront during the ayahuasca cleansing ceremony). I never imagined that my experience with Blue Morpho would yield the following remarkable results: being completely cured of migraines and depression. (In addition, an injured knee ended up completely healed and has not given me trouble since.) Nearly five months after going on the tour, these results continue. I highly recommend Blue Morpho to anyone who is willing and brave enough to seek solutions beyond the five-sensory paradigm of Western medicine.
At Blue Morpho you discover your truth, and you can discover the universe of wisdom and the universe itself. It was incredibly hard for me to leave after a week of receiving and finding divine love. But the most amazing thing is that you get to take it all with you. Because the love and the medicine never leave.
When I first went to Peru, I won’t lie, I was freaking out. Always questioning if this was a smart decision and whether or not I will regret it. Forget the Aya, what about the people? The staff? What will happen to me? Food? Lodging?
I have to say they were just unfounded fears. I came to discover first and foremost what an amazing and gentle group of people the staff of Blue Morpho are. That is not to say the people who go to these tours are any lesser. They are interesting, respectful, and from all walks of life.
This place is legit and worth every penny asked for the healing process and experience. You only spend one week, but the bonds forged go so deep you feel connected to everyone there for life.
I can’t speak for other places as I’ve only been to Blue Morpho, but there I was taken great care of, respected, listened to, and given my space when needed. I just wish Peru was closer so I can go more often!
To the Blue Morpho staff, I love you guys and I hope to be with you soon again to share wisdom, thoughts, and laughs.
The Shamans tell you time and again, that your experience with Ayahuasca will not be what you want, but what you need. It will be nothing like what you expect and quite possibly nothing like what you had hoped. I came in expecting a nightmare. I came out cleansed of my enormous guilt, relieved of my life sentence of regret. Yet, strangely, I cannot explain how it happened. It just did. All of the horrible feelings I had harbored for so many years, every minute of every day, were just gone, disappeared into thin air.
The trolley drove us an hour and a half outside of Iquitos, Peru to the Blue Morpho Shaman Camp. The look on everyone’s face was exactly the same – excitement mixed with scared senseless. A few people chatted to one another, getting to know the person sitting next to them, not realizing how their acquaintance with that person was going to multiply exponentially over the next nine days. The guy standing next to me asked me why I came to Peru and I told him. I won’t even dare say it here, yet I spoke, without hesitation, of my hope to obtain a long sought reprieve by participating in an ancient Ayahuasca ceremony. Or five ceremonies to be precise.
The camp was breathtaking, lush vegetation, butterflies fluttering everywhere; brick laid paths leading to each bungalow displaying its beautifully hand-thatched roof. No locks on any doors and no windows, only mosquito netting protecting us from the elements. Each bungalow would sleep 6 people, one shower, sans hot water, one toilet and one sink, no doors; a curtain our only form of privacy. After settling in, 28 strangers gathered for dinner. Along with supper came the continuing curiosity of every person who had found their way to this tour. Everything I’d heard before coming here was repeated in conversation after next as we sat behind checkered tablecloths, trying desperately to predict what tomorrow was really going to be like. “I heard that Ayahuasca doesn’t just make you puke, you poop too!” “I heard that you sometimes can’t even make it to the bathroom.” “Seriously? You shit your pants?” “That’s what I heard.” “What’s your name again? Oh, hi, nice to meet you.” This was our ‘get acquainted’ dinner conversation. If any of us were apprehensive or nervous or downright petrified before, it is only fair to say our fear grew to a horrifying climax by the time our meal had ended.
Before long the light of day began to vanish into the surrounding jungle. Lanterns were lit, one by one, in each room, in every bungalow. Along with no hot water…no electricity. The nightlife began to crescendo into existence. The sounds that came out of the darkness were unreal. Insects zinging like jumping jacks on the Fourth of July. An over-exaggerated sound like drops of water into a sink full of water, they came from some bird, I think. One sound was likened to that which a Furby would make or a cartoon cat purring — mixed with a zipper. It was my favorite sound; it seemed so lovable and innocent. Turns out the owner of that call was a tarantula. Another favorite was the frogs that sounded like cackling witches. At the time of night when they would begin to laugh, a quiet room full of humans would start to giggle and then eventually laugh hysterically from these contagious little amphibians. They were a welcomed distraction from the fact that we were still pretty nervous about tomorrow evening, our first ceremony.
I fell asleep to the jungle concerto, never once having to remind myself that this was the real deal, not a nature sounds CD. I awoke fairly early, but continued to lie in bed for a few more minutes, staring at the ceiling of my heavy-duty mosquito tent. I instinctively checked my appendages for bumps, bites, fang marks, do tarantulas have fangs? I don’t know. I seemed to have survived my first night in the jungle. I unzipped myself from my canvas house and made my way toward my group, already hard at work pounding some sort of bark with wooden mallets. As they broke apart the outer bark of the vine, its orangey pulp began to show. This was the main ingredient for our medicinal concoction. Ayahuasca – the sacred vine. I grabbed a mallet and got to work. Four large pots (we’re talking witch’s cauldron size) sat off to the side, waiting for the Shaman to begin their ritual of offering blessings with mapacho (tobacco) and carefully layering the ayahuasca and numerous other plants, barks and leaves. A large brick stove was then lit, the pots were set in place and there the Ayahuasca would eventually begin to boil. This would continue throughout most of the day. When the mixture was done, our first ceremony would begin. Many of us took turns sitting on surrounding tree stumps, staring at the bubbling pots. No one spoke much, but when they did, it was pretty much the same thing everyone else was thinking. “Am I really going to drink this stuff?”
The Shaman tended to the mixture, stirring it, watching its consistency. They strained it and then boiled it some more. They maintained hours of this painstaking process. Anywhere we walked in the camp, our line of vision somehow always directed us right to these ominous pots. Every time I looked at them, my stomach wrenched, every time I tried not to look, my stomach said, ‘Nice try’. Late in the day, as I made my way passed the brick stove once more, I noticed the pots were gone.
The early evening quickly began to descend into the canopy of the jungle and the critters once again took their positions in the ever and over-growing amphitheater they call home. The travelers began to take shorter, quicker breaths as the realization of this day became inescapable. The round house was lit with just two lanterns. This room typically displayed a bouquet of hammocks for lounging; tonight they were swung up over the beams from which they hung in order to make way for the mattresses that now graced the entire span of the floor. Each mattress came with a pillow, a blanket, a cup of water, a roll of tissue, and a big, plastic puke bucket.
As I looked around the room, I wondered if I would be the first person in Ayahuasca history to throw up before the ceremony had actually begun. I moved the puke bucket closer to me.
Our master Shaman quietly walked in, scanning the room, acutely aware of every last person’s every last thought. His face appeared sympathetic and humored at the same time, by the palpable anxiety in the air. He’s been here before, many, many times. The smirk he wore was because he knew some of our uneasiness was insuppressibly magnified by our naïveté. His compassion shown because he knew some of our uneasiness was about to be horribly, painfully justified. As everyone shifted positions on their mattress, attempting to get comfortable, the Shaman and their apprentices initiated the ritualistic commencement of the ceremony. The lanterns still lit, we watched as they poured each cup, singing into each one individually, a personal Icaro, for the person to which the cup was intended. I watched as each person near me received his or her prescribed amount, I counted how many there were before me. And then I counted again. Before long, an apprentice was standing in front of me with a white mug, containing about as much liquid as one measuring cup. I closed my eyes and prayed like I’ve never prayed before. I opened my eyes, held my breath and then closed my eyes again. I tried to get it down in one big gulp. I almost succeeded. Ayahuasca’s taste has been described in countless ways. None of them, in my opinion, came close to describing it accurately. I’m not certain there is a way to describe it accurately. I do know, however, that I quiver even now as I write this. While trying to get the taste out of my throat, I thought to myself, ‘It’s no wonder people puke from this stuff.
In about a half an hour’s time the entire room had been served. The Shaman lowered the wicks into the lanterns and the light excused itself from the room in a similar manner. They began to shake their leaf rattles, called Shacapas, a sound that could soothe even the most tortured of souls. Simultaneously, they began to sing. The Icaros would continue for an unspecified amount of time, growing louder at times and sometimes waning into a simple whistle by one or two Shaman. They made their way around the room, dedicating time to any person who appeared to need their attention. It wasn’t long before the first person started to throw up. It wasn’t long after that that pretty much everyone took their turn in front of their bucket. The indescribable taste of the Ayahuasca the second time around can only be described as worse.
My legs, my arms, my head, everything felt very heavy, as though I had melted and had become adhered to my mat. I seemed to have stepped outside of myself, took a look around and then decided to swan dive inside my own mind. Although the Shaman were still sitting at the front of the room, I could hear them singing and whistling so close to me, as though they had abandoned their physical form and were my very own personal headphones, inside my head. At first geometric shapes, like when you press your eyeballs a little too hard, were floating behind my eyelids. Then colorful landscapes, referred to as vistas, began to take shape. Waterfalls and rainbows, flowers, millions of them, would cascade over a constantly moving scene. I could think about anything and everything at once, without feeling confused or overwhelmed. My thoughts were complete and it was impossible to get distracted by uncertainty or insecurity. An unbelievable sense of gratefulness came over me. At one point, it was as though I was able to account for every single person in my life and know that they had crossed paths with mine for a reason. I could understand the issues in my life that just a few hours ago were undeniably problematic. I was in a place free from fear or judgment. A sense of contentment came over me that was truly authentic.
At times throughout the ceremony, I was aware of others in the room, sometimes it was impossible to avoid being aware. Some wailed and cried and moaned to a heartbreaking degree, others purged relentlessly. Others yet would call out to our Shaman for help, and he would go, be it physically or spiritually, to help them through their difficult moments. Linear time and space are typically lost during these sessions, Shaman are believed to be in multiple places at once, because they are needed in multiple places at once. On one occasion, I knew I heard him standing next to me, when I mustered up the energy to open my eyes, his shadowy figure was sitting in his chair, right where he had probably been sitting for quite some time, or perhaps not.
At one point I decided to try to focus on one very specific event in my life. The real reason I came to the Shaman in the first place. Although I was aware of the situation in my mind, I could not feel about it the way I have felt for the last 8 years, not to mention, the way I had intended to feel about it this night. I wanted to cry and scream to get it all out, once and for all. It simply was not possible. The Shamans tell you time and again, that your experience with Ayahuasca will not be what you want, but what you need. It will be nothing like what you expect and quite possibly nothing like what you had hoped. I came in expecting a nightmare. I came out cleansed of my enormous guilt, relieved of my life sentence of regret. Yet, strangely, I cannot explain how it happened. It just did. All of the horrible feelings I had harbored for so many years, every minute of every day, were just gone, disappeared into thin air.
The Shamans also tell you that no two ceremonies will ever be the same. We had four more to go. This was only the beginning.